I'd rather die than lose you
by pantsjoe
Summary: would you rather die than be without the one you love, or be without the one you love and feel like dying. harry and draco find out. it was sppsed to be a one shot, but became rather long, most of the capitaled letters are chapters


Authors note : im not going to bother with capital letters and the sorts.its a very cliche story. and thanks to the author who wrote "through the window" , i dont know her/his name i got inspiration from that: )

WATCH IT

"Watch where you're going, Malfoy!"

"You watch where I'm going, Potter."said draco malfoy, sneering at harry.

Harry's fist clenched in anger, and he bit back the urge to hit malfoy.

"whats the matter scarface? Mudblood granger's cat got your tongue?"

"stufff it malfoy!" snapped a red faced ron.

"touchy, aren't we." Smirked malfoy, and strode off, his robes billowing around him

STARING IS RUDE

The next morning at breakfast, harry hardly had an appetite. He played with his cereal, making weird patterns in the swirling milk. Milk. So smooth and clear, unblemished. "just like draco's skin" thought harry. "what the hell" he thought again.. and hurriedly shoved the offending cereal in his mouth.

He put his silver spoon down. Silver. The silver spoon was reflecting the ravenclaws flag. "silver with blue specks….just like malfoys eyes". "GOD POTTER, YOU'RE GOING MENTAL" he shouted in his brain.he hastily looked up, away from the stupid spoon, only to be captivated by what he had so hastily turned away from, only this time, they were real. Stormy grey eyes stared right back at him. He didn't know how long he'd been staring, until ron waved his hand in front of his face.

"oei fharry! What fcha sftharin at?" he practically shouted, his mouth full of eggs.

"oh nothing nothing" lied harry, and quickly looked away, still transfixed by those silver eyes.

"POTTER, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT STARING IS RUDE?" an all too familiar voice said across the great hall.

Harry blushed into his robes and rushed out of the hall, feeling those silver orbs following his every move.

CONFESSIONS AND REALIZATIONS

The day passed in a blur.soon it was bedtime, and harry couldn't sleep. Sure, his bed was soft and warm. But something was missing. He just didn't know what. It had been like that for nights. Even after he had defeated voldemort. So what if he had killed that stupid git? He didn't care. He just wanted to be normal. Like everyone else. He wanted to blend in, have people know him for who he was,not for his stupid scar.

He reached up and touched his scar. "stupid voldemort" he thought, and snorted at how stupid he sounded, cursing voldemort even after he had died.

He gave up on trying to sleep, and sneaked out to the lake. Winter was nearing and the first hints of snow were forming on the mountains.the air was chilly. Harry sat down against a large rock, staring out at the lake. "beautiful" he thought. The wind was blowing his face, the lake was still and peaceful, everything seemed just right. He closed his eyes, enjoying the solitude.

He heard a broken intake of breath, as though someone was trying very hard not to cry. "voldemorts craziness must have rubbed off on me" he thought wryly. Opening his eyes, he looked around, then he heard it again, softer this time. He scanned the area around him. Just then, the moon came out from its hiding place, casting its light on the lake, giving the place a heavenly glow.

In the dark, slumped against a tree with his knees to his chest, was draco malfoy, tears sliding down his pale skin. MALFOY. His hair was an angelic colour, indescribable, soft and smooth as silk. Every inch of his skin was flawless, everything about him was perfect, right down to his manicured nails.

"hes too pretty to be a boy" mused harry. And mentally kicked himself for harbouring such thoughts.

Malfoy was shivering, his eyes cold and glazed over with tears.

Finally, malfoy noticed harry staring at him. The shock in his eyes was clearly recognizable. But he recovered quickly. Wiping his tears away, he stormed over graciously in a way that only he could over to harry.

"happy now, harry fucking potter?" you've seen draco malfoy cry, now why don't you run along and babble to your little gryffindor friends, im sure they'd be so excited they'd piss their pants" he spat. His words, like his eyes, were as cold and hard as ice.

Harry felt a pang of sadness.

"he hates me, he'll never love me" he thought dejectedly to himself.

Malfoy gasped.he had seen the emotions cross over harry's face, as brief as they were.

"you shouldn't wear your heart on your sleeve potter, its disgusting"

this time it was harry who gasped softly and look away.

"im not what you think, malfoy".

" I know what you are" draco almost whispered, sitting down next to harry.

Harry raised his eyes in shock, DRACO MALFOY had sounded sincere.

"shit shit shit., im nuts" thought harry to himself again.

His deep green emerald eyes met dracos silver ones, and they each saw their emotions reflected in the other's. that was when they knew, they were the same.

KEEP ME FROM THE COLD, PLEASE

Draco leant back against the rock, shoulder to shoulder with harry. He was still shivering slightly, his breath coming out in smoke.

Harry noticed, and at that moment, he lost control of his own body. His arm made its way around draco, pulling draco towards him. "ARGH, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? STUPID ARM!" he shouted to himself in his head. He expected draco to hex him into oblivion any second. But he didn't. harry soon felt a weight on his shoulder, looking down, he saw draco leaning on his shoulder, eyes closed. Harry breathed in the minty smell of draco, and wrapped his cloak around them both.

Morning found draco lying peacefully against the rock, with nothing for warmth except a cloak.

I LOVE POTIONS

As much as harry would have loved to grab draco and snog his guts out everytime they met in the halls, he knew he couldn't. not with ron, hermione, and the two blokes around.

Potions.

Harry hated the teacher and the subject. As usual, the sadistic snape paired him up with malfoy, something he always did, but this time, it was different. Harry couldn't wait to move over and be close to draco.

He put on a great show dragging his chair over to malfoy's table.

Draco looked at him and smirked evilly.

"POTTER, ARE YOU SO WEAK THAT YOU CANT CARRY A CHAIR WITHOUT MAKING SO MUCH NOISE?" Snape bellowed. His greasy hair sticking to his oily face.

"no wonder hes not married" thought harry.

He finally sat down , a little too close to draco, but he didn't care.

Halfway into the lesson, while snape was droning on about the effects of some cocked up potion, harry got bored and stealed a glance at draco. who was listening with rapt attention. harry caught his eye and smiled shyly at him. draco smiled back, but quickly returned his attention to snape.

harry doodled in his notebook, drawing a picture of malfoy. Along with it were lyrics to a certain muggle song.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?

If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call

If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings

But I know you are here with me now

We'll make it through

And I hope you are the one I share my life with

at the end of the lesson, he quickly slid it across the tbale to malfoy. draco smiled and wrote . " i love it, thank you harry" after one last smile, he picked up his books and strode out, his pretense of being the slytherin ice prince up again.

FUCK OFF

The next few weeks passed by in a blur, with harry going to lessons, spending time with ron and hermione, meeting draco at night, and trying to fend off a sixth year gryffindor, who had taken a liking to trying to jump harry at every opportunity he could find.

"GET OFF ME!" "GET OFF HIM!" two male voices yelled simultaneously.

Harry had been on the way to the astronomy tower for lessons with the slytherins when that gryffindor had come up from behind him, turned him around, grabbed his ass, and pressed himself against harry, trying to snog him. Harry pushed him away but he would not let go, now ron was pulling at him from behind, and hermione was trying to slap him.

"that's now how you jump someone, asshole"

malfoy came striding up the stairs, his long legs making the climb seem effortless. The four of them turned around in shock, and the gryffindor immediately let go of harry and ran off. No doubt, the entire school was afraid of the slytherin prince.

"sod off, malfoy"hermione said, as harry readjusted his tie and tried to neaten his hair, AND arrange his books at the same time.

"whats the matter potter, don't you like being jumped by guys?"

"HARRY IS NOT GAY NOW FUCK OFF!" came the loud bellow from ron.

Harry's head snapped up at ron's loud bellow. His mind took in everything that was happening. He could use the situation to his advantage, he thought evilly. He slowly stepped closer to malfoy, till there were mere inches apart.

"sad that im not gay malfoy? What does it matter to you whether I am or not?"

he continued, all the while advancing as draco backed away, until he felt the wall . draco had no idea his boyfriend was this cunning, for only he could see the wink harry gave him.

"could it be that YOU have a crush on me, and wished you were the one who jumped me instead? Or rather, you just want to jump me every time you meet me?" harry said dangerously, he was now pressed against malfoy.

Ron and hermione stood aghast.

"well guess what malfoy," harry continued, pressing even more into draco, their noses almost touching, causing draco to gasp. Obviously, everyone thought he was just in shock by what potter had said. since when did harry potter ever stand up to draco malfoy in that manner?harry's voice was low and dangerous, but to draco, it was the sexiest sound he had ever heard.

"you can drop your dreams of ever jumping me, now sod off, you pathetic thing" he said, winking at draco before turning around and continuing up the stairs with ron and hermione, leaving a dazed draco against the wall to enjoy the wonderful view of his quidditch ass.

"GREAT JOB HARRY" cried ron, slapping harry on the back "never knew you were that evil"

harry merely smiled as ron babbled on about how embarrassed malfoy had looked being cornered into a wall by harry potter.

DON'T STAND ME UP

When harry returned to his dorms that night, he found his cloak, along with a note.

Harry.

Meet me by the lake at eleven tonight.

Yours, dm

Eleven came, and harry made his way to the lake. Malfoy was already there, sprawled out on the grass, looking at the sky. Harry lay down next to him, they lay like that for awhile,finding solace in each other's company.

After a few minutes, malfoy got up on an elbow and leaned over harry, placing a soft kiss on his lips, it was just a light brush,but at that moment, harry knew what was missing in his life. Blushing, draco pulled away, but harry reached up and pulled him back down, this time, lips crashed on lips, each finding what they had been missing, their lips moulding perfectly.

Harry gazed into dracos silver eyes, deep within he saw years of longing and anger, and he knew his own eyes were the same. How could he have never noticed those beautiful eyes? How soft those lips were?

" I love you" draco whispered, and felt as though what he had been holding back for eyars was finally released.

" I love you too, draco" harry whispered back, and he finally felt whole.

Somewhere in the shadows, pansy the bitch smirked. "kissing the enemy aren't we draco poo? I wonder what your father will have to say" she thought evilly, and ran silently back to the castle"

LOVE ME

"what the fuck" draco half grunted as he was dragged ungraciously into a dark room..

His attacker grabbed his wrists and placed them above his head, pinning draco against the wall. Draco tried in vain to get away, but his unknown attacker was too strong.

"i love revenge" whispered his attacker into his ear.

"potter, I see you've done some planning this time" he said into the darkness.

"shut up", said harry and attacked his lips, ravaging them. Draco opened his mouth and there was a battle of tongues, which harry obviously won.

Harry pulled away and proceeded to give draco little love bites all around his neck, causing draco to let out a low moan.

He let go of draco's hands. Draco slid them around his waist. And harry very cheekily groped draco's ass, causing draco to gasp. Draco shifted his hands to around harry's neck and jumped onto harry, causing him to stumble back abit. Draco let out a laugh.

"you're as weak as snape said"

"I am not" argued harry, and slammed draco against the wall to prove his point.

Draco wrapped his legs around harry as they continued their little snogging session.

Draco ripped open harrys shirt and let his hands wander around inside. He loved how harry shivered when he reached a particularly sensitive spot., Both were close to panting when they were done.

"I love you" mumbled harry into dracos neck.

"i love you too"

Theyemerged from the cupboard, looking thoroughly snogged, with undone ties, flushed faces, and red lips, and also looking VERY VERY happy.

From the other end, a girl with black hair put down her binoculars with a smirk.

LUCIUS

It was dinnertime in the great hall, harry was eating and laughing with his friends when the doors to the great hall banged open. In the entranceway stood a strikingly handsome man with white blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, clad in the most expensive clothing money could buy, a scepter(whatever it is) in his right hand. His cold, cruel eyes swept the hall, until he found what he was looking for. At the other end of the hall, draco paled visibly, but kept his eyes cold and unfeeling. He could see pansy smirking.

"that stupid bitch" he thought, "she must have been spying on us."

Lucius malfoy's eyes rested on his son, before he nodded curtly and walked out of the hall. The entire school was silent, dumbledore's eyes had lost its twinkling. Draco slowly and gracefully got out of his seat and strode out of the hall, his head held high.

"you stupid worthless boy" hissed lucius malfoy, grabbing draco by his neck and raising him up in the air, causing him to gasp for breath

." having fun kissing the enemy aren't you?"his eyes narrowed in anger.

"that can always be fixed" he snarled.

He swung his scepter at dracos head, and blood oozed out, draco fell to the floor, and was soon engulfed in blackness.

PRISON

Draco awoke to an entirely different surrounding, he was no longer in the dungeons, he was instead, high up in a tower. Looking around the room, he spotted the door, but the door would not budge. There was a letter on the table

DRACO

Since you have put the malfoys to shame with your connection with potter, you will remain here ,do not try getting out if you know what's good for you

LUCIUS

Draco breathed out in fustration. Looking at the walls, he saw a single window, much more like a slit, and he felt a small flicker of ope in his heart, when he reached the window, his heart fell to his knees. The window had been covered with an unbreakable glass, knowing lucius. He sighed in fustration. Hopefully he would get out of there soon enough

LET ME OUT, PLEASE

A week passed, draco had stayed in that same room. With lucius coming in everyday to question him "do you love harry potter?" every answer draco would give was a "yes" . which would lead to beatings and unforgivables. By the end of the week, his body was bruised and battered, and he had wounds everywhere. Wounds he had not bothered to heal, wanting them there to remind him of his hate for lucius malfoy.

The door banged open,

"here we go again" thought draco. Wincing himself for another blow.

"once more boy, do you love harry potter?"

"no"

"good, we shall see about that wont we" slurred lucius with an evil glint in his eye.

"oh god, what have I done?" thought draco

before he could figure that out, lucius had grabbed him by his hair, yanked his head back, and poured in a glass oh something. "fuck" thought draco. He felt a tingling in his body.

"once more boy, do you love harry potter?"

"yes I love him and nothing you can do will ever make me stop loving him."he stated matter of factly, his voice monotonous as the effects of veritaserum(whtver spelling) kicked in.

"STOP TELLING HIM THE TRUTH!" yelled his inner voice, but it was too late.

"I see, so you do love THE BOY WHO LIVED" lucius said slowly and clearly, the anger burning in his evil eyes.

"CRUCIO" he said.

Dracos body twitched with pain, it got worse every second. It seemed as though invisible claws were tearing his body apart, breaking his every bone, his insides churned and it felt as though his guts would burst out on the floor anytime. He screamed in agony, falling to the floor in a crumpled heap, as the spell got worse and worse.

"sectumsempra" the word filled with malice and anger

the pain increased tenfold, his skin burst open, and blood gushed out like it would never end, draco screamed, even dying would be better, he thought bitterly. His body quaking with the unbearable pain

" ONCE AGAIN YOU USELESS BOY, DO YOU LOVE HARRY POTTER!"

"yes" he hissed in pain. Sweat breaking out on his clear forehead.

"I have no son" spat lucius malfoy and lifted the curse, slamming the door as he walked out.

The cuts closed up, but the pain was still there. Draco stayed on the floor in the same position, his sweat mixing his with his tears. After many hours, he finally rocked himself to sleep on the cold hard floor, his robes a bloody mess.

WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED YOU

Harry had spent the entire last week close to mourning. His eyes were dull and lifeless, not shining green anymore, he looked malnourished, and he dragged himself from place to place. Nothing anyone did could cheer him up.

Most of the days saw him by the lake for hours on end, thinking of the times he had shared with draco, knowing they would never come again. His eyes watered over, and he refused to cry. He hardly showed any emotion these days. His soul felt like an empty shell without draco.

"draco, where are you? Please come back, I need you" he whispered to the wind.

DON'T LEAVE, NOT YET.

Harry trudged out of the school and into the courtyard during winter, it was lunch and everybody was in the hall, save harry. The cold wind whipped around his face, and snow fell on him. Harry ignored the cold, hoping that the cold would take his mind away from the coldness deep within him, that empty space that had been filled after so many years of waiting, only to be taken away as soon as it came. He was numb to everything around him.

"since when do good things last" he mumbled to himself. "especially to me, I am HARRY FUCKING POTTER, THE FUCKING BOY WHO FUCKING LIVED TO FUCKING KILL FUCKING VOLDEMORT."

He sat down at the fountain and looked up at the falling snow. The sky looked just like a dream. Just like draco, draco was a dream, a dream that he still held onto, hoping one day it would become reality.

Then, a slit in one of the towers caught his eye, it was only a few storeys above him.

His eyes opened in shock and disbelief and happiness at the same time as a pale face stood forlornly at the window, white blonde hair in a mess. It was his draco, and the pain showed on his face. His eyes were dull and sad, the pain in them real, pain that told of cruelty, hate, anger, sadness, longing, desire, emptiness, hopelessness. All hidden in the depths of those striking eyes that once held such love for harry.

Draco placed a hand on the window, every inch of him wishing it would break and he could hear harrys wonderful voice again, feel his breath on his neck.. harry wished for the same, wishing he could run his hands through those soft, almost white strands of hair.

Harry felt a sense of desperation. He felt tears well up in him, and he knew, rather than felt, a tear was trailing its way down his cold face. He tried not to cry, but he couldn't help it, he knew his love was slowly being taken away from him, and it was tearing him apart.

" I love you" he mouthed. and smiled through his tears, now flowing freely. draco smiled at him sadly.

draco leaned towards the window and breathed out, fogging the window. With his finger he traced a heart and the letters ILYF backwards.

Harry was caught in a moment when time seemed to stand still for the two lovers.

Draco turned back suddenly and his eyes flashed wildly with fear before his head was suddenly and harshly pulled from the window. Leaving harry to wonder what was happening to his love, for he hadn't missed that look of fear, a look that draco only held for one person.

Lucius malfoy.

SO LONG AND GOODNIGHT

That night, harry was awoken out of his sleep by a painful searing in his chest, as though something he held dear had been ripped away from him forever. Gut instinct told him to run outside and into the courtyard. Looking up at the window, he prayed fervently draco would appear, his mind trying to reach draco. He threw stones at the window, shot curses at the window, but draco never came.

Draco lay in his bed, a blade in his hands, slowly and carefully, he carved the words on his arm " I love you forever harry, till death do us part." Watching with satisfaction as the blood slowly flowed down his flawless skin. Holding the blade one last time, he blindly slashed at his wrist. The blood poured forth. He felt the pain, and took his final breath, the only thing on his mind being harry.

He didn't hear the rocks thrown at his window, nor the different coloured lights of different spells as they bounced off his window .

GOODBYE MY LOVE

At breakfast, harry was numb all over on the inside and the outside.

Just as he was settling down at the table with ron and hermione. Dumbledore clinked his glass and stood up

"students of hogwarts, it is with great regret that I announce the death of one of our students, draco malfoy, was found dead this morning." With that, he sat down heavily and rubbed his eyes.

The hall erupted in whispers, and tears, mostly from the slytherins. Harry didn't want to be anywhere near there, and rushed out of the hall, oblivious to ron and hermione's questions.

However, he was stopped by prof. Mcgonagall (whtever)

"harry we would like to speak with you"

he nodded dumbly and followed her to the backroom, where dumbledore and snape waited. On the table lay a white cloth, with a human form below it, harry knew undoubtedly that it was draco.

He approached the bed, and slowly pulled down the white sheets at dumbledores consent.

His love lay there, eyes closed in bliss, a smile on his angelic face, he was dressed in white linen, soft as his skin. His body was marred with scars, but harry noticed only one thing on his arm. "I love you forever harry, till death do us part" harry slowly backed away, and fled the room, leaving the shouts of the professors behind.

He ran endlessly, not knowing nor caring where he was going, tears blurred his vision, sobs racked from his body, students parted for him in the hallways , mouths agape in wonder.

He finally ran out of breath, to find that he was at the lake. Where it had all started.

"this is where it ends" he thought. He knew he couldn't live without draco.

He conjured up a quill and some parchment.

He then conjured up a blade. Pressing it to his skin, he carved the exact same words " I love you forever draco, till death do us part". Raising the shiny blade, he took one last look at everything around him, and slashed blindy. His world began to get hazy and his mind fogged up, he felt so weak. His world got even hazier and things became unfocused.

A figure walked up to him.

"draco?" he said wheezily,

"yes harry, im here" and draco bent down over harry,

harry reached up to touch him, but his hand came away with nothing.

Draco leaned down and kissed harry, his lips hitting harry's lips like a sudden breeze, harry sighed happily,

"draco, its you, you're here"

"yes love, I am" draco smiled down at harry and took his hand. Draco's hand look closed to transparent beside harry's. harry smiled happily.

With that, he breathed his last, his body slumped on the forest floor, a hint of a smile on his lips.

THE BOY WHO LIVED

In the afternoon, a group of students huddled around the lake. "the boy who lived ", was now dead. Next to him was a letter addressed to "ron and hermione" . on his arm were the words " I love you forever draco, till death do us part"

s


End file.
